Taking My Younger Self With Me.

I tried to start writing this a little differently- ‘Breaking up with my problematic, younger self was the hardest’ – but it didn’t fit in the title line of Samsung Notes, so I had to rethink things.

I came up with what you see above, and it makes a lot more sense to me. I can’t ‘break up’ with any part of myself from the past, no matter how hard I’ve tried. I can’t compartmentalize and characterize parts of my life as ‘not-me’ – even though some things from the past aren’t ‘me’ now, they definitely were at some point.

There’s no value in looking back at life and criticizing your former self – that ‘former’ self is still you. Turn that hindsight criticism on its head. Never mind thinking of how much a (insert insult) you were or how embarrassed you feel revisiting a particular moment. Celebrate your ‘phases,’ your regrets. They’ve made you who you are, as you are, right here and now.

These awkward, regrettable, reckless, cringe-worthy times of our lives have gotten us through every present moment of our lives right up to the present.

I try to remember this sentiment and the road in between ‘then’ and now. I try to love and smile at my memories, even of the things I’m not proud of. Who else will learn from your past mistakes, but you? Who else knows your deepest secrets, deepest memories, but you?

Celebrate and love these things. Regrets, grief, always bring sadness. They’re also opportunities to triumph, and turn hard times of the past into strength, by way of honesty, courage, and vulnerability.

Do not shame yourself for having lived a life with mistakes. Love yourself and take your younger self with you, and through your wiser, more seasoned eyes, you can go forward in the world as one. – RSM

Recurring Battles

How it was vs. How it is
How it is vs. “What if…?”
Late 20s vs Early 20s

What I did wrong vs. What I did right
What I did right vs. What I could have done better
What I wish I did vs. What I’m glad that I did
What I know now vs. What I knew then

Abandoning a risky lifestyle vs. “I’ll always cherish these memories”
Suit & tie rat race vs. “That’ll never be me, bro”
Middle class independence vs. Broke, at mom’s
In bed by 11pm vs. Starting the night at 11pm
Needing more sleep vs. Getting more sleep, but still not enough

Studying for IT certifications all day vs. YOLOando all night
IT vs. Journalism and Music, sponsored by retail

“I’ll try anything once” vs. “That was fun, but that was then”

“Veni veti vicci” vs. “You’re PROUD of that?”
Love hoped for vs. Love lasting
How it was vs. How it might have been
How it might have been vs How it is

Still undefeated, with unmatched poise, ferociously determined, a soul at ease, round after round:
‘How it is’ wins; once again, and every time. – RSM